Beginning any new relationship requires an investment of time and energy, so it is better to get off to a good start by setting the intention to lay a foundation of honesty, trust and friendship, and to remind yourself that your number 1 relationship is with YOU!
Here are 4 key elements to help you to do this successfully.
1. Be upfront about why your previous relationship ended. This is important simply to put your potential partner at ease. It also gives you an opening to hear about their relationship history. This is not about getting bogged down in the past, but simply an opportunity to initiate a position of openness and honesty.
2. Discuss what you want in a relationship. You may want to take your time getting to know this new person and it is OK to say so. Explain that you are very open to a long-term relationship but suggest that it is probably best for you both to get to know each other and review what you each want after an agreed period of time; probably 2-3 months.. Anyone who is mature enough to want a conscious relationship will see the sense in this. If their response is that they have no interest in a committed relationship, then you know where you stand.
3. Be willing to show your vulnerability. By all means put your best foot forward and show your strong points, but be prepared to allow your new partner to see your need for reassurance and encouragement. Not only is this very attractive, it also allows him/her to also show their more vulnerable side. This is an essential element of any truly intimate relationship. It’s all about balance, showing your strengths as well as your vulnerabilities. We all have both these sides, but the tendency is just to show strengths. Dare to be different.
4. Don’t be afraid to show what you stand for. You may feel a bit nervous about showing some aspects of your personality and Values, in case it is a deal-breaker and your new partner disapproves. The bottom line is that if they don’t approve, the relationship probably doesn’t have any mileage in it anyway, and you might just as well find out sooner rather than later. It is important for you not to sacrifice your integrity for any relationship. There is no betrayal like a self-betrayal. Once you have both been able to discuss matters, you may find that s/he respects you for being willing to take a stand. You will be seen as a man or woman of integrity.
Don’t make the mistake that many make, by sacrificing yourself for the sake of a relationship. You finish up losing yourself and you will not be happy, even if you do keep the partner.
No matter how attracted you are to your new prospect, remember how important it is for you to be yourself. To be open and honest about who you are and what you want. Such authenticity and emotional honesty is a rare quality and is very attractive. It is an essential for building intimate, conscious relationships.
Grace Chatting has a professional background in Social Work with children and families. She is MBACP Snr. Accredited Psychotherapist, Family Mediator, Relationship Coach, Founder of Relationship Academy and Author of the book “Mend It Don’t End It” http://relationshipacademy.co.uk/e-books/ Grace can be contacted on 44(0)7816491165 or by Email firstname.lastname@example.org
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