There are many things that should go without saying with respect to dating etiquette, in general. What do I mean? Well there are some very common things that one should avoid when on a date, or even setting up a date. Common things that, people with common sense would know are wrong… What do I mean? I’m getting to it, sheesh! Common sense isn’t all that common these days and certainly no place is more void of common sense than the arena of dating. I’m talking about both the guys and girls here, everyone.
So with that very vague opening paragraph let’s move on to some specifics, which should be common sense. However, if you scratch your head at some of these wondering why they’re bad then please slap yourself and save me some gas.
Using an Old Picture.
Okay. I was on a date off of Craigslist, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and I never dated anyone off that site agai.. Everything seemed to be going well on the conversation and personality front so I proceeded to ask for her pictures. Anyway, my date sent me an old picture of herself assuring me that’s how she looked. She did not tell me it was an older pic. My ad, that I posted, did specifically ask for a recent picture, mind you. So when I got the picture I thought she looked nice and I was ready to meet this person… in person.
When we finally did meet I found a woman that looked like the gritty-road-hardened older sister of the person in the picture I received… This was not the case, however. No. It was my date! Dead front tooth and all. She was a lot bigger than her picture depicted and, frankly, the dead tooth was killing me. I couldn’t look past it when she spoke.
It should go without saying that there was no magic that was going to happen with this “lady.” I felt, firstly, that I wasn’t attracted to her primarily and, secondary, I felt that I couldn’t trust her either; as though she might make off with one of my kidneys… And I think she almost did. True story; she invited me back to your motel, where she was living, instructed me to lay on her bed where she turned on a massage bad. My butt received a hell of a good shock from that experience. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around much longer.
Be honest and truthful about yourself and your appearances; save you and your would-be date some serious time.
Dragon Halitosis Breath.
This one is kinda bad; chronic bad breath. I know. Typically women discuss how they dated a guy whose breath, at best, could be described as a sulfurous spring. I’m no doctor, but halitosis or chronic bad breath tells me that you should seek professional help for your malady and not afflict said malady on guys you meet.
I dated a girl many years ago who was known in our circle as having ‘Baker Breath.’ It started innocently enough with us. We went to a movie and made out. Simple yes? Not quite. The first kiss was comparable to eating a chicken and basketball rubber glue sandwich. I felt like all the breath was sucked out of me; even punched in the stomach and losing your breath is more accurate. The smell of rubber glue is still vivid to this day, folks.
It didn’t get better on our subsequent dates, either. Kissing was always a tenuous chore. One that required great temperament to complete. No to halitosis!
Now there was another girl I dated who didn’t have halitosis, but we just had one awful make out session and it was enough to ruin her for me for good. This girl was, in my opinion, very, very beautiful… As it turns out an In-n-Out double grilled cheese sandwich is a bad thing to eat ahead of making out with someone, especially if there is no brushing and flossing or drinking of water immediately after. This was the one time I had a gag reflex while kissing a girl. I mean, this was bad. Imagine that you are making out with a salty stick of butter; a warm stick of salty butter to be more accurate. So I can only recommend that if you’re going to kiss your date please I’d advise some level of dental maintenance after. This could simply be drinking water but could include brushing, flossing or rinsing with lava pumice.
Inviting Your Date to Hang Out With Your Friends on the First Date.
This is one scenario I’m hearing more about from guy friends of mine. One of the guys will meet a girl he’s into and make it a point to hang out with her. Then the girl will invite her suitor out to hang with her and her friends. Not cool! There’s no practical reason to do this. A girl might feel uncomfortable and she surrounds herself with her friends and expects the guy come hang with her. I went on a few dates with girls where they were not alone. In one case there was another girl that was present with my date and I hadn’t been told about that. Immediately I got the vibe that this girl was not interested… It was a waste of my time, really. At that point my date could have called to cancel and I would have appreciated it. The time spent was just awkward, as was the conversation.
There have been instances where I’ve been invited out for drinks with a girl and her friends and I’ve only done so once. And it really didn’t work so well. I didn’t get to talk much to my date; certainly there was no vibe that we were on a date at all. Lastly and most obvious was that I had to compete with my date’s friends for her attention. Lame.
I can’t say that I follow the logic on this one. Firstly, when you meet your date for the first time it’s about getting to know your date and then getting to know you. Secondly, your date asked you out because they want to hang out with YOU and get to know YOU better. Introducing your date to your sea of friends serves nothing more than to distract your date and give them, potentially, the wrong impression.
Having a Scythe in Your Garage.
You probably don’t have one of these so this wouldn’t apply to you. But I have a roommate that has one… Which means that I HAVE ONE, too… Um, yeah. There’s not too many ways to explain that one away. The scythe, which is a costume prop, is situated against a surfboard. Is it an odd combination? Sure. It’s about time I put a cover on that; I’m tired of freaking my dates out when I bring them back to my place. They think they’re going to get hacked up!
Picking up a Telemarketer…
I’m sure there are people who have had better experiences dating a random telemarketer than I have… I used to hit on pretty much every telemarketer that called my residence. Why? One could make the argument that I’m kind of a jerk and I like irritating people. Similarly one could also make the point that I’m painfully lonely and need to be held…
I can only tell you that my date was a disaster when I struck gold and found a telemarketer who lived local to me. Ironically she worked for Greater Expectations; and I was quickly reminded of the Mad TV parody of this service. Folks. I’m not going to lie. This was an awful experience. As I was walking up to the restaurant I saw a, uh, “heroically” built woman of colossal stature. This was far more woman than a mere mortal man was meant to handle. I could have walked away at this point, but I didn’t… Nope. I met my date, gave her a hug; rather attempted to.
We sat, talked and ate. Our conversation was decent, but we had nothing in common and I only wanted to leave. To her credit she did bilk me for a good meal and dessert so the joke was really on me.
Unfortunately the good times didn’t stop there. You see, this telemarketer apparently isn’t supposed to go on dates with the people she calls. So this turned into a two week-protracted process of me answering questions about this telemarketer and her motives… Well, I lied of course, but the telemarketer was calling me up to ensure I wasn’t throwing her or her babies under the bus. Ugh. Yeah, this whole thing stopped being funny after that first mammoth hug.
Don’t date telemarketers. It’s not that funny.
Talking About Exes… A Lot.
Talking about your exes and how they all live in Texas is all well and good… if you’re George Straight, that is…
The idea here is that your time on a date should be used to get to know someone, not trashing or romanticizing about your ex, regardless of how things ended. Nothing takes the wings from your new date like overtly talking about your ex… You don’t form connections with your future soul mates if you can’t let your past go. There’s an appropriate time to talk about exes; the first date is not one of those times.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out to coffee with a girl and had to endure conversations about their exes and other men in their life. Now, this could be a mistake or a well planned strategy that your date employs to discourage you, if they’re not into you. In situations like that I feel it’s important to steer clear of such subjects as would-be suitors or exes. Engage your date on things that interest them or share some of your interests as this is your best chance to avoid being lumped in the friend boat.
Be respectful of your date and give them your attention. Or if you’re not into your date then profess your love for someone else. Often. That works. Trust me.
The Take Away?
Um, I don’t really know what you were hoping to get from this tragedy of a dating blog. The only nugget I can offer, that would help you avoid the above situation, is that a person needs to respect themselves and also they need to understand what they can and can’t accept and deal with. Once a person decides what they won’t accept the above is unlikely to happen… Unless you like chicks with chronic bad breath. Hehehe… Gross.
Alex Vasquez is System Engineer, Web Designer and expert and connoisseur of the first date and also maintains the website http://theurbandater.com.
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