Break ups are never easy. You are a bundle of jealous, hurt, angry, resentful emotions. Your mood can swing from depression to bitter anger. The only thing you seem to think about is what went wrong, can I get him/her back or I’ll show him/her. The main theme in your life is ‘How can I feel better right NOW?’ Here are some suggestions that I hope will help.
- Friends and Family. I know this may seem obvious but lean on your friends
and family. Spend time doing things together, not just talking and thinking
about the break up. If this isn’t enough, you may consider a support group or
- Resist the urge to beg. You want them back but not at any price. At the
time it may seem the right thing to do but think about it. In the long run they
will lose respect for you. This doesn’t mean don’t try to work things out. If
there is a chance you can work things out, go for it. However, if your partner
has made it clear that in their eyes, the relationship is over, begging will not
help and may hurt the situation.
- Make a change in your life. Find a new way to spend your time. Take a
class, join a gym, adopt a pet, or volunteer. Do anything that will make you
feel good about yourself. Your ego is probably feeling bruised right now. Find a
way to counteract that.
- Understand your mistakes but also realize that you are not a failure.
Don’t beat yourself up. If you made mistakes, then yes, learn from them but
dwelling on what might have been won’t help. It takes two to make a
relationship, it also takes two to end one. You weren’t the only one who made
mistakes. It may not seem useful to you now, but a lot of times the things you
learned from this experience will make your next relationship stronger, as long
as you make the necessary changes.
- Start Dating. You won’t feel like it at first, but don’t stay away from
other people for an extended period of time. Going out with other people can
help the healing process and boast your ego.
- Don’t fall prey to others. There will be people trying to sell you this
or that, guaranteed to win back your partner. Don’t let people take advantage of
you while you are vulnerable. If you do buy something, understand that while
there is a chance it could help, there is also a chance that it won’t.
- Take up a hobby. Learn something new. There is probably something you’ve
always wanted to try but never had the time. You have the time, do it.
- Don’t rush into another relationship. While starting to date can help you
feel better, it’s not a good idea to rush right into another relationship. Take
time to heal before making any commitments or someone will probably end up
- Avoid dwelling on it. I know it’s impossible not to think about it, but,
if you find yourself doing so for an extended period of time, find a way to take
your mind off of it. Call a friend; go to the gym, whatever comes to mind. If
nothing seems to work, try this: Make a list of reasons why you are better off
now. This could include I have time to do the things I want to do. I can date
anyone I want to. I can find a partner who will appreciate me the way I am and
stop wasting time on a doomed relationship. Think about the things they did that
drove you crazy, because there are some. Don’t look back with rose colored
glasses and only remember the good things. Don’t have the idea in your head that
if only we were back together I would be happy. Wrong. Wouldn’t they have a lot
to answer for if you did get back together? Leaving you was probably the biggest
mistake they will ever make. Let them dwell on it, you move on!
- Build your ego. I’ve touched on this already but it is very important.
Find ways to feel better about yourself. This could be anything from getting a
haircut to buying some new clothes. You could take a class on self improvement.
If nothing else, you should do this: Make a list of things that make you a great
person. Don’t sit there and tell me you can’t think of anything. I don’t buy it.
Try again. Are you kind? Patient? Intelligent? Cook like a pro? Can fix
anything? There are things that make you great. WRITE them down and whenever you
feel low, read your list and add to it. You are you and you are great so don’t
let anyone ever make you feel that you aren’t.
©2005 Patricia Fason
Patricia Fason is a writer and poet whose main focus is relationships. For more articles on relationships visit her website dedicated to romance, Sites O Web Romances You. There you will find articles, poetry, romance tips, romantic gifts and much more.
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