Finding a good man isn’t easy, but why is it so hard to find a good man? Everyone has their own idea of what a good man is, but for most it includes a willingness to commit, maturity, financial stability and a bit of romance.
We girls want a man who brings us flowers, enjoys just talking to us and appreciates who we are. We want someone who is there on the good days and knows how to hold us when we need to cry.
Unfortunately, finding a man who can appreciate a woman’s beauty AND her brains is a challenge.
Add commitment, maturity and romance into the list of requirements and the odds diminish rapidly. For most of us, the search for a good man lasts several years as we date one dud after another, becoming more discouraged with each passing month and each disappointing date.
So it begs the question....Why is it so hard to find a good man.
3 Reasons Good Men Are Hard To Find
1) Modern Day Dating
In today’s society, the careful art of courtship has been replaced by something far more casual... Hook ups!
“Hooking-up” has become the norm in our culture, and there is little consensus about what it means to hook-up, but the overall concept involves some degree of physical intimacy, usually sex, outside the boundaries of a relationship.
It is now considered both acceptable and preferable to engage in short-term physical interactions with no plans for commitment. (source)
This shift in dynamics has taken a toll, especially for those of us who are looking for a stable and meaningful relationship. Hook-up dating makes girls “easy come, easy go,” which, by default, reduces any sense of urgency a man might feel to commit to a relationship.
2) Dating Apps
The internet and smartphones are wonderful tools that allow for a wide variety of social interaction. These smartphones also come with a host of dating apps available for those looking for a relationship.
This is either a blessing or a curse depending on your point of view, but regardless, they change the dating scene significantly and they (dating apps) make it really easy for anyone to look for hook ups instead of a committed relationship without ever worrying about a lack of women looking for casual dating.
Approximately 49,250,000 adults in the United States have tried online dating. eHarmony alone has 16,500,000 users, and match.com adds another 23,575,000. (source)
Now consider that there are hundreds of these sites and the vast majority also offer an app. Clearly, access to a wide variety of personalities, physical attributes, and interests are available at the click of a button or the touch of a screen.
This leaves the good guys, and not-so-good guys, with a lot more options than just the girls they meet in person.
3) Something Better
In a society where sex is easy to get, commitment is not required, and access to thousands of “prospects” is so easily obtained it’s no wonder many men are in pursuit of perfection.
Why “settle” for a pretty woman when you can hold out for a “gorgeous” one? Or a rich one? Or whatever it is that the man is seeking. For many, dating and relationships can become a contest to see who can get the “biggest catch.”
This not only skews the view of relationships, it decreases the focus on faithfulness and encourages unrealistic expectations in a significant other. The girls looking for a stable guy who will adore them and treat them like a queen often find themselves falling a little short on the perfection scale.
Are There Good Men Out There?
But lest the prospects appear too bleak, I will remind us that good men most certainly do exist and they are not all taken. And although there are plenty of men who are only out for a weekend fling while they wait for someone better, there are also a lot of good guys looking for that special lady to build a relationship with.
Unfortunately, in many cases, those men find themselves constantly overlooked by women. All too often the men who are willing to cherish a lady and commit to her are viewed as weak.
How often have you heard a woman say, “I feel like I could walk all over him?” When the man is willing to accept who she is the challenge suddenly disappears and she loses her sense of self-worth for having “kept him on the hook.”
Many times the good guys get used by girls who are down and need a “pick-up” after the last failed relationship. Then, after he has carefully boosted her self-confidence, made her feel pretty again, and salved her aching heart sufficiently she relegates him to the “friend zone” and moves on to more interesting choices.
Sadly, those more interesting choices are all too often conceited players who will use her until they find more interesting choices themselves.
Finding a man who can appreciate a woman’s beauty AND her brains is a challenge.
Solution That Will help You Find A Good Man
But in spite of the struggles created by the current dating culture, there are still good men out there and good ladies who won’t relegate them to the friend zone. So how do the two connect?
For the girl looking for a solid man who will treat her well, the key is to present herself in a way that attracts the right kind of man. And how do you do that? There is no magic formula, but there are several things to keep in mind.
First, establish boundaries
It’s ok to say no to someone or something you do not want. Have some basic qualifications that a man needs to meet and don’t settle for less. If you want him to have financial stability, don’t accept a date with someone who is living in his mom’s basement and selling used cars part-time.
If the religious background is important to you, refuse dates with anyone who does not share your faith.Boundaries also apply to physical interaction. If you want intimacy right away that’s your choice, but if you want to save that for a more committed point in the relationship, you have that right.
By establishing those boundaries and not crossing them you clearly communicate your own worth. Remember that while boundaries will drive some men away, those that are worth keeping will recognize those boundaries as a sign of self-respect and will value your affection all the more for it.
With that said, be reasonable in boundary setting. If your boundaries include not dating anyone with certain names or eye colors be prepared to be shunned by good men as a little daft.
Keep an open mind and remember that the man of your dreams might come in a different physical package than you were expecting. He might have a different profession or have different interests than what you had planned on.
Find that balance between not settling for a type of man you really aren’t interested in and not setting the bar so high that no mere mortal could ever attain your standards of perfection.
Show your depth
In a world that focuses so intensely on the physical, remember that you are far more than a body. For that matter, you are more than your job title, your income, the car you drive, or your propensity for being the life of a party.
If you want a man who will cherish who you really are, let him see all the layers of your personality. The funny side, the serious side, the professional side…don’t settle for only being the flirty blonde.
Contrary to common belief, it really is ok, and even advisable, to have intellectual conversations on a date, share real opinions, and have candid discussions of deep topics.
Along those same lines, be authentic
You want him to appreciate you for who you are…so be who you are. It is completely refreshing to be around someone who is willing to be “real” with those around them, and somehow that authenticity seems to draw the friendship and admiration of others.
Yes, you are human and allowing others to see some of the more intensely human sides of you can be a little intimidating, but that openness will also provide a better foundation on which to build a relationship.
And you never know, that little quirk you think will annoy him might just be the most endearing part about you. Under any circumstances, remember that you are someone worth caring for and loving, but you have to let the man you are interested in fall for the real you, not the persona you put on to impress him.
In conclusion, is it hard to find a good man?
They are not a dime a dozen in today’s culture. But just because they are hard to find doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Yes, our society is throwing roadblocks in the path with ready access to so many prospects through dating apps and social media sites, and yes, hooking up is deteriorating the focus on commitment and relationship.
And yes, some guys are too busy with the pursuit of perfection to ever stop and notice the internal value of some of the girls they encounter. But in spite of all of that, good men are out there and they are looking for the “good girls” to build relationships with.
As your search for Prince Charming continues, remember to let others see the different facets that make up the “real” you, and establish reasonable boundaries to help filter out the Toads from the Princes.
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